in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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