maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
