my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
