I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
