Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
