Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
