No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
