It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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