I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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