Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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