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I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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