Jerry, you need to find god
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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