Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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