Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
