May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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