The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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