i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
