Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
