I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
