Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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