what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
