All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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