I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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