Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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