My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
