he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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