If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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