Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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