Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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