Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
