quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
