Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
