I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
