every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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