with your own penis?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
