Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
