Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
