You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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