Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
