her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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