toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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