I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize