I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
