I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
