She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
