someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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