things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize