They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
