ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
