I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize