I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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