holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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