Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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