I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
