I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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