At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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