those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
