i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
