is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
