I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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