just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
