Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
