Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
