Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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