Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
