i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
