please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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