The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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