my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
