it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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