Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
